Note: This is a repost of a blog post originally written in November 2016.
My dad died two weeks ago
Please don’t tell me how lucky I am.
Please don’t tell me how lucky I am that he died suddenly. Yes, I am glad that I did not have to see him suffer. But I never had the chance to say goodbye. To him, or to my mom and uncle two years ago. He was dead, alone, for almost a week. And no one even knew.
Please don’t tell me that I am lucky that my sister will soon have a baby, bringing joy to the family in a time of sadness. Yes, I am looking forward to meeting her baby. But her having to give birth to a child, for a second time, just weeks after losing a parent sounds surreal… and yet is somehow true.
Please don’t tell me that I am lucky to have children, to help keep my mind off of it. Yes, they certainly keep me busy. But seeing their pain at the loss of their last grandparent is almost more than I can bear.
Please just tell me that you are sorry that we are going through this again… so soon… so young. Please do not just sweep my pain under the rug and suggest that I just focus on the positives in my life to make everything better. The positives do not make losing a parent any less painful. They will, with time, make their loss easier to bear. But not today. It is too soon. Please, let me have time with my pain, even if it makes you uncomfortable.